In our group therapy meetings, we talked a lot about how having a loving spouse helps the addict to recover and keep from engaging in pornography. Most of the men in the group reported that they felt so much better after they had "come clean' to their wives. And how much better they feel when they can confide in their wives about their addiction. I know why this is good for them but it is exhausting living with this problem every day.
Yesterday, my husband called me at work to say that he was being tempted. He told me what was going on and that he had actually clicked on the web link to take him to the site. Thankfully, we have Net Nanny installed on our computer so it blocked him from viewing the site. But he felt guilty and was getting down on himself so he wanted to call so that I could help him through it. After a few minutes on the call, we realized that he hadn't been following some of his own rules when it came to computer use. Like, he is not allowed to surf the internet if he is alone in the room- he can only check his e-mail if he is alone. He just set up these rules in October! So I helped him to re-direct and find a more productive use of his time than surfing on the internet.
The thing that is so hard for me is I have to live with his addiction EVERY DAY. We are not just going to box this problem up and put it on the shelf. It will be between us every day for the rest of our lives. And I get exhausted when I realize this.
And the only reason I get through it - the only reason I keep being diligent and not giving up is so that I know I am doing everything I can to save my marriage. I am fighting and fighting hard- because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we don't make it knowing I could have done more. This is what keeps me going. I wish it were the trust in my husband that he can beat this thing and be done with it but we're just not there yet.
AH
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Introduction
After finding out about my husband's pornography addiction the first time, I was devastated. He was very sorry and committed to leave porn behind. We went to a counselor and I forgave him. I thought that chapter in our lives was over- we had dealt with, beat it, and were moving on.
This past October, he admitted to me that he had started looking at internet porn again. This time, it cost him his job. I struggled so hard to forgive him. He found a counseling class for couples that we attended for 11 weeks. In this class, I met other women going through the same thing I was. It was so beneficial for me to speak with other women about what I was going through. We have learned to lean on each other.
After the class was over, most of us particpated in e-mailing each other and checking in. We even met for dinner! It was mentioned in an e-mail by one of us that we should form some type of support group- a place for other women to feel the acceptance and love that we had felt by opening up to each other. We even joked about acronyms for our support group.
I had been thinking about this for a few weeks when I realized that a blog would be a great start. I have my own personal and family blog that I write in almost once a day and it is has been a great way to share ideas, connect with loved ones, etc.
So this blog is for all of us- all of the original group in that class, all those who will come after us to that class and for all of you who are struggling with this problem in your marriage.
I've often thought that there is nothing stronger in this world than women uniting to accomplish a common goal. My goal, our goal, is simply:
To provide a loving forum for wives whose husbands have pornography addictions. To be a support to one another, to encourage each other to keep going, to help find addional resources and most of all, to let you know that you are not alone.
AH
This past October, he admitted to me that he had started looking at internet porn again. This time, it cost him his job. I struggled so hard to forgive him. He found a counseling class for couples that we attended for 11 weeks. In this class, I met other women going through the same thing I was. It was so beneficial for me to speak with other women about what I was going through. We have learned to lean on each other.
After the class was over, most of us particpated in e-mailing each other and checking in. We even met for dinner! It was mentioned in an e-mail by one of us that we should form some type of support group- a place for other women to feel the acceptance and love that we had felt by opening up to each other. We even joked about acronyms for our support group.
I had been thinking about this for a few weeks when I realized that a blog would be a great start. I have my own personal and family blog that I write in almost once a day and it is has been a great way to share ideas, connect with loved ones, etc.
So this blog is for all of us- all of the original group in that class, all those who will come after us to that class and for all of you who are struggling with this problem in your marriage.
I've often thought that there is nothing stronger in this world than women uniting to accomplish a common goal. My goal, our goal, is simply:
To provide a loving forum for wives whose husbands have pornography addictions. To be a support to one another, to encourage each other to keep going, to help find addional resources and most of all, to let you know that you are not alone.
AH
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